Don't Ask Questions
by ChelleyBean
Summary: Beka needs Rhade to help her out with a little problem.
1. Put This On

They had punched through to their own system about two months ago, and found their universe in panic. The Magog were systematically moving from system to system, leaving death and destruction in their wake. The systems with enough power and wealth to have military power were still unable to agree on anything, not even a unified defensive against the approaching threat. In the end, Dylan had pulled out his trump card; he'd sent word of Beka's identity and her DNA profile to every major Nietzchean pride left. Shortly afterwards, however, a request for assistance had come from one of the smaller systems regarding trouble with stellar-level looters.

"Rhade, you've been tense ever since we left for this mission."

Telemachus was scowling at the screen before him, but it was unclear if he was unhappy with what he was seeing or something else. "I still feel that it was wrong for me to leave Beka on the _Andromeda_ alone." Definitely something else.

"Beka's a big girl, Rhade. She can handle herself."

"Dylan, the prides are not going to wait on their homeworlds for her to make a tour of their domains. They'll want to meet with her now, and each will want to be the first in hopes of currying favor."

"And you feel that you should be there with her."

"I am the only Nietzchean currently serving aboard _Andromeda_. I know Beka better than any of the others. I am the best choice to aide her in this matter."

Dylan gave a half-smile over his shoulder. "Provided the two of you wouldn't kill one another first. You haven't exactly been getting along of late."

"Beka is determined to be difficult. This entire situation is stressful, and she isn't happy that you've announced her presence to the entire Nietzchean race without asking her first."

"Yeah, I kinda got that impression when she threatened to emasculate me with my own force lance." Dylan glanced over the Maru's helm again. "You wouldn't have said anything?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because Beka didn't wish it, and my duty first and foremost is to see to her safety and well-being. Adding to her stress levels is counterproductive to that duty."

"Ever the alpha male. We're about to exit slipstream." There was the tell-tale jostle as the _Maru_ made it into normal space. Both men looked out onto the place where they had left _Andromeda_ with shock. "Okay… this is a bit more than I had anticipated."

There were ships surrounding _Andromeda_. Nietzchean ships. A lot of Nietzchean ships. "I tried to warn you."

"Yes, you did." Dylan hit the com channel. "_Andromeda, _this is the _Eureka Maru_ requesting permission to dock."

"Permission granted. Welcome home, Captain." _Andromeda's_ voice was as welcoming a sound as she ever was. Dylan brought the _Maru_ into her usual dock and landed her with perhaps a little less grace than Beka would have managed. Telemachus powered down the ships auxillary systems before joining him on the way to the hatch. As it opened, however, they both received a surpise. "Rommie!"

The ship's avatar, her real avatar, walked up into the _Maru_ with a smile. "Captain. It's good to have you home."

"But… how… when?"

"Harper finished construction on my new body a few days after your departure. He wanted me to be a surprise."

Rhade was smiling from ear to ear. "It's good to see your face again, Rommie."

"Thank you, Rhade, but technically it isn't my face. It just looks the same."

Dylan laughed. "Well, either way, it's good to have you back." He gave her a rather uncharacteristic hug. Over his shoulder, Rommie's face registered surprise and mild confusion as she returned it awkwardly. She seemed almost relieved when he broke it. "Thanks for coming out to meet us in person."

"As to that, I'm here for a reason. Beka wanted me to get to Rhade before the other Nietzcheans saw him."

Rhade frowned. "Why? Is there a problem?"

Rommie held out something towards Rhade. "She says that you are to put this on and not ask questions."

Both men looked down at the object in Rommie's hand. Telemachus gave her an incredulous expression. Dylan gave a bark of disbelieving laughter. "Rommie, that's a Double Helix band."

"I am aware of that, Dylan. The Nietzcheans want Beka to marry, preferably to an alpha male. Beka told them that she already was."

"To Rhade."

"To Rhade."

Rhade gaped at them both. "You've got to be kidding me. She wants me to pose as her husband?"

Rommie gave one of her little, barely-there smirks and nodded with a soprano pitched "mmm-hmm". Dylan gave a shrug. "This is Beka we're talking about. She's always avoided commitment like a plague. It only makes sense that she'd do something like this when backed into a corner. She knows you."

"Yeah, and she knows me well enough to know that I would be completely wrong for her. We'd be lucky if we didn't murder one another."

"What happened to the whole 'my duty first and foremost is to see to her safety and well-being' part?"

"I never said that included pretending to be married to her. She's out of her mind."

Dylan was doing very well in not laughing, but it was clear that he was amused. "Look at it this way, Telemachus; what are the Nietzcheans in those ships out there likely to do if they learn she isn't married?"

Rhade scowled. "They'll refuse to leave until she chooses a husband."

"Exactly. We need them ready to fight, but if their alphas are too busy competing against one another for Beka's favor, they aren't going to do us much good. Not to mention that it puts Beka in greater stress than she already is, which I believe you were wanting to avoid."

Telemachus was beaten, and he knew it. He snarled and shrugged out of his jacket, grumbling the entire time, and tossed it at Dylan's face. The human managed not to burst out laughing as Rhade snatched the Double Helix out of Rommie's hand and fastened it around his left bicep. "I wonder if I get any of the side benefits that come with this."

"Oh, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you." Dylan handed him back his jacket. "Remember, you're a newly wed. Try to smile and look happy."

Rhade growled and stalked past Rommie and into the rest of the ship. When he was out in the corridor, he took a deep breath. _"Andromeda_, where is Beka?"

The ship's icon appeared on one of the com screens at the corridor intersection. "Beka is on the obs deck, along with several key leaders of the Nietzchean prides. They are waiting for you."

"Of course they are." He walked down the corridors in brooding silence. His life just kept going from bad to worse, and now this. He liked Beka well enough, when she wasn't doing something stupid that risked both of their lives and made him want to snap her neck, but he would never have married her. They were too volatile together. Still, this move of hers did make sense. Any other alpha male would be expecting a real commitment, and as Dylan said, Beka avoided commitment. She did not believe in marriage and she never wanted children. He was her 'safe' choice.

The doors to the obs deck slid open. As the ship's AI had said, there were several Nietzcheans there. Some were obviously Matriarchs, but most were males. They had all done their best to be impressive and intimidating. Dozens of eyes were suddenly trained on him, sizing him up. He made sure to show no sign of weakness.

"Honey! You're home!" Beka broke through the crowd, smiling. Rhade could see the relief in her eyes as she hurried towards him. No doubt the alphas were quickly wearing on her nerves by now. He summoned up a smile for her and gave every sign that he was glad to be back with her. He had a part to play, after all.

"Miss me?" He held out his left arm to hug her, keeping his right hand free and where it could reach his weapon if he needed to. Beka put her arms about his neck. This close up he could see the tension in her face, the tightness about her eyes and mouth.

"More than you know." She leaned forward and kissed him. Rhade kept his ears trained for any sound of potential threat out of the gathering, not an easy trick when you had to pretend to be enjoying a kiss from your 'wife'. Beka made to move a way, but he tightened his grip. If they were going to pull this off, then they would have to be convincing. A newly wedded couple, even a Nietzchean couple, wouldn't stop so soon. At least, that was part of his reasoning.

The other part was that if Beka was going to put him through this, then he was going to have his fun. Rhade deepened the kiss, causing Beka to give a little squeak of surprise. She'd made her bed. Now she was going to have to lie in it.


	2. They What?

Beka certainly hadn't been expecting this! Rhade must be even angrier than she had anticipated. Still, the man did know how to kiss. Must have been all that practice in Seefra. When he finally did let her go, she held on to him to keep her knees from buckling.

"Are you all right, Beka? Maybe you need to lie down."

She blinked up at him, feeling rather brainless at the moment. One of the matriarchs hurried forward with concern. "Our apologies, Beka. We should not have kept you up for so long. Please forgive us."

"Hmm?" She was feeling more than a bit light headed, not a good thing to be in a room filled with back-stabbing ubers. She shook her head, more to clear it than in denial. "No, I'm all right." Rhade gave a soft chuckle.

"Beka, how long have you been going? Don't lie to me. I can always tell."

She looked at him, her eyes narrowing in silent warning. "I… may have been at all this a little hard, but it's nothing I can't handle."

"Meaning you didn't even stop to get anything to eat." He made sure to keep his tone teasing and scolding all at once, but gentle. It had the desired effect of making no fewer than three of the matriarchs start to quietly chide the alphas accompanying them for taking up so much of Beka's time, especially after she'd already told them that she had selected a husband. He took advantage of the chaos. "I'll handle things from here. You should get some rest."

It took her a second, but she recognized a way out when it was offered. She gave him a grateful look before bidding her guests farewell and stepping out into the corridor, the doors sliding shut behind her. "Oh, Thank God!"

"Telemachus Rhade to the rescue?" Rommie was waiting for her, Doyle standing by her side.

"Yes! I knew I could depend on him."

Doyle tilted her head inquiringly. "But didn't you just abandon him in a room filled with alpha males who want to take his place?"

"He doesn't have a 'place', and he can take care of himself. Rhade knows how to both fight fair and fight dirty. Those other guys wouldn't stand a chance against him." She turned and began walking down the corridor. The androids fell into step on either side of her. It was Rommie who spoke first.

"Where are you going?"

"To the _Maru_. I need some sleep."

Doyle put a hand on Beka's shoulder. "Beka, you just told the leaders of the major prides that you're married to Rhade."

"Yeah. So?"

Rommie turned her so that she was facing another direction. "Don't you think it will look suspicious if you sleep in the _Maru_ rather than in the same quarters he does?"

"Oh… right. My room, then."

"The one with the small bed?" Doyle grinned. "Rhade's is bigger."

"How would you know how big Rhade's bed is?"

Both androids blinked and looked at one another before Rommie answered. "We know everything about all the crew quarters. They're inside of us."

Beka looked from one to the other. "Uh huh. Right then. Where is Rhade's room?"

Doyle pointed down the left hand corridor. "That way. We already moved some of your things in there so you don't have to explain why you're moving from one place to the other to change clothes."

"How thoughtful of you."

"Oh, Doyle, I do believe that was sarcasm."

Beka shook her head in disbelief. "You know, I think I prefer the relationship between Doyle and your Core AI. The one where they don't get along so they don't tag team me?"

"I am aware of a certain level of tension between my core operating system and Doyle. If you will recall, however, I have also had my share of difficulties in dealing with the core operating system. May I also point out that Doyle is the first AI, other than myself, who is a member of this crew? Also, since Harper built us both we're something like sisters. I find having her here a pleasant change."

"And we get along beautifully."

"That's the part that bothers me. Now, if you two will excuse me, I need some peace and quiet for a change." Beka didn't wait for a response. She just walked down the corridor until Andromeda's voice chimed in to tell her she'd walked past Rhade's door. With a snarl of her own, she walked into the crew quarters and shut out the rest of the ship. Okay, so Doyle and Rommie were right; Rhade's bed was much bigger. He had taken over the First Officer's quarters since she had never been interested in them. The bed was twice as wide as her own and he had a decent sized shower.

Taking note of the facilities, she decided that she might as well make herself at home if she were going to have to pretend to be a happy little wife until their guests left the ship. Having a ship with efficient filtration and recycling capabilities was something she appreciated all the more now that they were out of that drought-plagued nightmare called 'Seefra'. She indulged herself with an extra long shower in an attempt to rid herself of the stress that had built up ever since Dylan had shot his big mouth off and ratted her out to the Nietzcheans. She would shove him out an air lock if she weren't afraid that Andromeda would do something in retaliation.

The sharp rapping of someone knocking on the shower door made her yell in surprise. "Are you gonna be in there all night?"

"Rhade! What are you doing here?"

"It's my room!"

"I'm trying to take a shower in here!"

"Yeah, I noticed. You've been in there for ages. Hurry up, will ya? In case you've forgotten, I've been out playing the hero while you've been here having a tea party with the leaders of the Nietzchean race. I'd kinda like to clean up before bed myself."

"They let you go all ready?"

"It's not me they're interested in. After you left, things got boring real quick, although I might have to watch out for a knife in my back from a couple of broken hearted hopefuls."

"Sorry about that." She couldn't be any more grateful that the glass walls were steamed up as she shut off the taps. "Toss a towel over, would ya?" Two came flying over the top of the shower wall. "I said 'a' towel."

"I thought you might like one for your hair." She could see his outline as he rested his back against the shower. "You know, Beka, it would have been nice if you had discussed this little plan of yours with me before including me in it."

"I didn't have time, Rhade. It never occurred to me that they would want me married. I would have thought being the mother of all of them would have been enough to exempt me from this." She wrapped the spare towel around her hair and used the other one to cover the rest of herself.

"It's not procreation they're concerned about, it's protection. They feel that a strong husband will be able to keep you from doing anything rash or stupid." She heard him laugh. "They should have talked to me first. I could have told them that's a losing battle."

"Thanks for the support, Rhade. It's good to know who I can count on."

"Don't worry, Beka. I'm on your side."

"You don't sound like it."

"I am, though. To prove it, I'll warn you now that you'd better appear bright and cheery in the morning."

She frowned as she tucked the end of the towel in to secure it. "Why?"

"Because after that apparent near fainting spell earlier, the matriarchs are convinced that you're about to be the mother of another Nietzchean."

Beka froze for a second before opening the door to the shower and leaning out. "What?"

Rhade turned his head to look her direction and grace her with a smug, little smile. "They think you're pregnant."

"You told them I'm not, right?"

"I told them that I had detected no change in you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

His playful look turned into a condescending one. "Beka, I've been a father before. Trust me, a woman's scent is entirely different when she's expecting."

"Okay, so no biggie. You told them I'm not."

"They don't believe me. They think I'm trying to protect you by keeping your condition a secret." He banged on the shower wall again. "Get out. My quarters, my shower, my turn."

Beka glared at him before stepping out of the shower. "You're a rotten husband, Telemachus Rhade."

He shook his finger at her. "I've been married before, Beka, and I happen to know that I'm a wonderful husband." He put a hand on the small of her back and gently pushed her from the lavatory. "You're just a rotten wife."


	3. Where's My Chair?

Beka smiled to herself as she snuggled up against something that was warm and firm, but at the same time soft. Whoever it was, the scent was warm, faintly spicy and definitely male. She stretched languidly, reaching over to wrap her arm around the warm body next to her own, not really knowing who it was, but somehow knowing that she was safe.

"Beka, you're on my hair."

Her eyes flew open quickly, just a fraction of a second before she sat up in the bed and looked down at Rhade, who had been laying with his back to her and was now craning his head over his shoulder. "What are you doing here?"

"You keep asking me that question. As I pointed out last night, these are my quarters."

She blinked, not putting the pieces together at first, but finally remembering where she was. "Yes… but… I was sleeping here."

He waved a hand to indicate the size of the bed. "There's enough room here for two, and I'm not giving up my bed because you put me in this position."

"It would be the gentlemanly thing to do."

He gave one of those deep, throaty chuckles of his. "I haven't been a gentleman for a very long time. And may I remind you that it was you who were just rubbing up against me? I was just sleeping."

Her mouth fell open in shock, but she promptly closed it with a snap before she threw the covers aside and got out of the bed. Her movements where jerky and sharp as she figured out what she wanted to wear for the day and made her way to the lavatory. Rhade's voice was still thick with humor as he called after her. "Remember, Beka; bright and cheery! If you go in there grumpy they're likely to believe you've got a bad case of morning sickness."

"Oh, Shut Up!"

"I assure you, I'm not."

The matriarch standing near her did not look convinced. In fact, she looked down right hopeful. What was it with Nietzcheans and babies! There were how many of them already? Why should she be expected to have another one? She was already the mother of the whole damn race!

Now that she had a 'husband', the males were no longer in the picture. They were shut up with Dylan and Rhade, discussing tactics. This left her with the matriarchs and wives that had traveled with their husbands to see her. Everything she did seemed to be point of interest to them, including what choices she made at breakfast.

"Telemachus Rhade is a good choice." Elsbett Bolivar had warmed towards her considerably after learning of Beka's connection to her race, but these attempts at 'girl talk' were really starting to annoy her. "I understand that he was an Admiral before the restructure as Terazed joined the Commonwealth. That's an impressive feat for one so young. It shows cunning and superiority. You'll have several females wanting to join you as co-wives."

Beka paused, that idea sitting poorly within her for some reason. How did that work, exactly? Did each wife get her own room, or did they have to share all things equally? The bed in Rhade's quarters weren't _that_ big.

And she wasn't jealous. She wasn't!

"I'm not much for 'sharing', if the truth were to be told."

Elsbett gave her an inquiring look. "It is our way, Matriarch."

"Well, it's not my way. I'm a one man woman and I expect the same treatment from the man in question."

"So you would limit him only to the children that you could give him."

Beka paused. There they went with the whole children thing again. Did these people never think of anything else? She was trying to come up with a rebuttal when Doyle came to her rescue. "Beka, we need you in Command."

"I'll be right there." She gave a forced smile to the other women at the table. "Duty calls." The trip to Command was uneventful, ending in her strutting through the doors. Rommie and Doyle looked her way as she entered. "What's up, girls?"

Rommie turned back to her console. "We were monitoring the activities in the officer's mess and thought you might require rescuing."

"Again," added Doyle for good measure.

"You know, every lousy thing I ever said about you two, I take it all back. You're angels. Both of you."

Core's image appeared on the screen at the front of Command. "I would counsel against encouraging them. It only causes them to become increasingly troublesome."

Doyle slid a smirking glance towards Rommie. "Big Sister strikes again."

The holographic representation of the ship's AI flickered to life. "Beka, they are growing tiresome."

"Take it up with Dylan."

"Captain Hunt refuses to separate them."

"Don't know what to tell you, then. At the moment, they're in my good graces." Beka stepped onto the pilot's station and looked over the logs. "Have you been keeping tabs on the battle planning?"

"Of course."

"Any idea when we're going to get out of here? Preferably without my relatives in tow."

_Andromeda's_ image raised a brow. "The way the current discussions are going, the Nietzcheans are asking that a garrison of their soldiers be added to the crew."

Beka groaned and leaned back against the support cushion behind her. "Lemme guess… they want to slip in weakly disguised body guards."

"That would seem to be the most plausible reason. However, these men would be under the primary direction of your husband who would, no doubt…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa… wait a minute. Rhade is not really my husband. It's just a sham." She looked at the androids who were suddenly very busy with other matters. "You guys know this, right?"

Core frowned. "You do not know very much about Nietzchean mating customs, do you?"

Doyle and Rommie were both looking anywhere but at her. Beka started feeling a nervous tick somewhere in her stomach. "Uh… what should I know that I… don't know?"

"According to Nietzchean custom, the female chooses her mate. She extends the proposal or makes her desire for a particular male known. If in a pride setting, the pride matriarch can approve or disapprove the union. If outside of a pride setting, the union is official once the male accepts the proposal."

"Okay… how does that work with this situation?"

"Technically, by advising the Nietzcheans that you were wed to Rhade, you were announcing your intentions. Since neither of you are part of any pride currently present, the union would be official when Rhade accepted and put on the Double Helix you sent for him… with my avatar." Core's image leveled a stern gaze at Rommie, who was not looking up.

Beka suddenly felt light headed. "Rommie?"

The brunette android finally looked up. "You had already told all those people that you were married to him before you chased me down and told me to take the band to Rhade, and there were two matriarchs coming right behind you. I didn't have time to warn you, or I would have. I swear!"

"But… why did he do it! He had to have known."

"Because Dylan pointed out that if he didn't, the other males wouldn't leave you alone until you picked one of them."

Beka let out a pitiful whimper, her knees turning to rubber. "I need a chair. Why did Harper take my chair?"

"Beka!" Doyle rushed to her side to help her sit down slowly. "Beka, it's going to be all right."

"Who ever heard of a pilot's station without a chair?"

Doyle looked up at her sister. "I think we broke her. Call Harper."

Rommie frowned. "Why Harper?"

"That's who we go to when we're malfunctioning."

"Beka's not an android. We need Trance."

Core interjected. "Trance is currently answering questions the matriarchs have about med bay. Summoning her would arouse suspicion. I recommend that you get Beka to Rhade's quarters, and then send him there once he is away from the other males."

"Why did he take my chair? I need my chair."

_Andromeda's _hologram frowned. "I would recommend moving her now, and without being seen."


End file.
